Let’s Talk…ADHD: Acceptance and Support

Read time: 5 mins

The Importance of Staying Informed

I dedicate substantial amounts of time to researching ADHD through webinars, literature, and any available resource out there. This dedication helps me better support both my family and clients. The science continually evolves, which is positive as new evidence enhances society’s understanding of ADHD, especially important given media misconceptions. For those who live with ADHD, and for those of us who support loved ones with the condition, these misconceptions can be challenging, making it essential to stay well-informed.

The Power of Acceptance Over Treatment

Recently, I listened to an interview with a research expert in ADHD. While I didn’t agree with all his points, his emphasis on acceptance struck a deep chord. He explained that ADHD doesn’t need “treating” because there’s no one-size-fits-all solution—instead, it needs acceptance and accommodations in workplaces, schools, among peers, and within families. Research supports this perspective, with studies indicating that environmental modifications and strengths-based approaches improve outcomes far more than punitive measures (Hotte-Meunier et.al., 2024) . In a world focused on the latest research and science, this holistic perspective was refreshing, as it reinforces the narrative that drives my work.

Challenging the Misconceptions

ADHD is too often dismissed as just a collection of bad behaviours. Many of the adults with ADHD in my life face debilitating consequences from managers and peers, with constant shaming and poor understanding. My children have been labelled as spoiled, manipulative, and poorly behaved (blamed on “bad parenting”). A school peer told my child that “when they use their ADHD as an excuse, they have already lost the war.” And there it is—the idea that ADHD is separate from the person with claims that strict consequences will correct these behaviours.

Neuroscience shows that ADHD is associated with executive function challenges, affecting impulse control, working memory, and emotional regulation (Gehricke et. al., 2017). These difficulties are not signs of laziness or bad behaviour but rather neurological differences that require understanding and support.

The Emotional Toll of ADHD

Living with ADHD is more than just struggling with focus or impulsivity—it can be an emotional rollercoaster. Many individuals with ADHD experience persistent feelings of failure, frustration, and even shame. From a young age, they are told to “try harder” or “just be more disciplined,” creating a deep-seated belief that they are somehow broken. The emotional weight of constant misunderstandings, disappointments, and perceived shortcomings can lead to anxiety, depression, and self-doubt.

Adults with ADHD often carry these burdens into their professional and personal lives. They may struggle with maintaining relationships, managing responsibilities, or meeting societal expectations. The exhaustion of masking their true selves, of trying to fit into a neurotypical world, can lead to burnout and a loss of self-worth. These emotional struggles highlight why ADHD is not just about attention—it affects self-identity and mental well-being.

The Frustration of Trying to “Fix” ADHD

After spending their whole lives against this backdrop, it’s understandable why many adults still feel ADHD needs “treating.” I often hear: “How is it that they get it and I don’t?” or “I would like to explore strategies that will allow me to fix things.” While well-meaning literature offers various strategies for fixing things, my clients come to sessions frustrated that nothing works: “I have tried the timers and alarms, Vanessa, but then I forget, and it all goes back to square one, and I get so frustrated! I just think I am rubbish at everything and I just need to accept that.”

It’s telling that I hear these same questions repeatedly: “Why am I stupid?” “Why can’t I get it?” “Why don’t I remember not to do that again?”

Reframing ADHD Through Self-Acceptance

So I suggest trying this out loud: “I have ADHD. I understand things differently from others, and that’s perfectly okay. I have my own unique way of doing things.” When you see everything through that lens, it might help to stop fighting against those tendencies and instead use them to your advantage. Hyperfocus can be a tool for deep work sometimes, and impulsivity can spark creativity. It’s about leaning into your strengths, understanding your challenges, and shaping your environment in a way that supports your unique way of thinking.

The Role of Tools and Strategies

Let me be clear: using timers, calendars, alarms, and routines is not bad—in fact, quite the opposite. The key is starting with acceptance. Accept that there’s no universal solution. Accept that you might grow tired of one system and need to switch to another. These tools serve as bridges between your unconscious and conscious mind, helping you stay aware of when to transition between events. They support you through long days, social interactions, and mundane daily tasks.

Most importantly, accept that you’ll need these tools to help manage your daily life. These aids are simply there to help you navigate the challenging aspects of your condition, ready to use whenever you need them—and that’s perfectly fine.

Shifting the Narrative Toward Acceptance

In the end, acceptance is the foundation for meaningful support and success with ADHD. Instead of trying to “fix” or suppress the ADHD experience, we must acknowledge its unique challenges and strengths. Understanding replaces judgment, and accommodations foster growth. By embracing neurodiversity, we create environments—at home, in schools, and in workplaces—where those with ADHD can thrive.

References:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/27546330241287655

Gehricke JG, Kruggel F, Thampipop T, Alejo SD, Tatos E, Fallon J, Muftuler LT. The brain anatomy of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in young adults – a magnetic resonance imaging study. PLoS One. 2017 Apr 13;12(4):e0175433. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0175433. PMID: 28406942; PMCID: PMC5391018.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar/ https://unsplash.com/photos/and-breathe-neon-sign-on-tre-buymYm3RQ3U